i hired a car giving me five days travelling one way for $65. that's crazy cheap. it's obviously a crazy time. you could put that last sentence and apply to it any time since humans developed sentience but for a kid who grow up in the eighties and nineties getting thrills from watching apocalypse movies, 2020 seems pretty damn crazy, like maybe it's just a nineties movie, and i'll wake up a child again, in 1994, pretend that i'm sick so i can stay home and watch the telemovie of Stephen King's the stand, then ramble around the local mountain pretending i'm the leader of a clan of children after nuclear war destroys most of the planet, and now there's a battle between kids and teenagers, coz all the adults started the mess in the first place so with this common enemy we united and destroyed them, but now with no common enemy we draw new identity lines in the sand, clans and allegiances shift, new wars eventuate.
it's a long road. you get somewhere for a while and then you have to go some place else. with music, with geography, with accommodation and dreams. anxiety is a foreigner hitching a ride but i can't remember picking them up. who is this ghoul, making me run from one distraction to another. valium. alcohol. coffee to justify the shakes.
i give it all up. i surrender. so let go of my throat.
i don't care about the world ending, just let go of my throat. let me play the piano and float.
the long road.